You would think that as time goes on I would become less bewildered with the fact that I am now a mother, but I am finding more and more that my amazement is probably a permanent thing. When you worry every day for 5 years that your babies might never come, when you beat yourself up about why God has chosen other women to be mothers and not you, and when you feel betrayed by your body month after month about its inability to bring you the family you want, getting the unfathomable blessing of a child just fills your life you the sunshine of gratitude. On big days, like Emme's second birthday, I especially feel this way.
For a kid that is a stinker about her picture being taken, she really surprised me this day. She totally hammed it up for the camera. I was beyond thrilled.
Life is truly unimaginable without her. When I worry about all of the terrible things that can happen to children and think of my life without her, there's nothing more painful. It's so strange how experiencing such immense joy and gratitude can also come with intense fear that it could ever be taken away. Every day is such a gift. All day on her birthday I thought about the instantaneous bond I felt with her the in utero, and then on the day that she was born, and how far we've come since then. She's just my best little friend.
With Emme's love for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, a Mickey themed party seemed like the only real option. I'm pretty sure I ran around like a psycho getting her party ready, but it's funny that looking back all I remember was the fun. We had "hot diggity dogs" and other simple foods. I resisted the urge to make the party super complicated because I was having contractions and was super tired.
Ahh! This cake kinda makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I always have illusions of grandeur about birthday cakes. I pin all of these elaborate ones, so convinced that I can whip one of them up in a few hours the day of. [Insert long, self- deprecating laughter here.] Of course, I always end up with something like this, and I say a bunch of naughty words in the process. One of my favorite moments of the night is when Skyler looked at the cake and asked if it was store bought or homemade. I answered in earnest that I had made it, and he started cracking up because it was so obvious and he was sure I had already known he was asking the question tongue-in-cheek. At least it tasted good. You can never go wrong with my mom's sour cream chocolate frosting recipe.
Our families came to play, and this baby girl got SPOILED. I feel like I might kick myself someday for indulging my child, but it's not just me--there is a whole VILLAGE doing it. My parents got her an inch worm bike, Skyler and Jamie got her a darling castle tent, Shaye's parents got her a unicorn stuffed animal, and my grandma got her these light-up Minnie Mouse shoes that instantly became an obsession.
And in perfect 2-year-old fashion, she threw a tantrum when we sang "Happy Birthday." She didn't want her new light-up shoes to fall off. It was such a funny moment for me because I was miffed she was acting out, exhausted, a little bit embarrassed at how indulged she was, but also terribly touched that my baby was really two. I choked back tears as we sang to her, just reflecting on this crazy, amazing journey called motherhood.
0 comments:
Post a Comment