This week marks 4 years since Shaye and I have been trying to become parents. Sometimes it's been difficult, emotional, and downright depressing. With countless rounds of Clomid, 4 doctors, and one round of artificial insemination that resulted in a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage), we know we've done a lot, but we still have a lot ahead of us. It's been the biggest challenge of my life, by far, but I think that it's also yielded the most personal growth in my life. Here are a few things I've learned so far in this journey:
*Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I grew up thinking that it was pretty much a uniform plan for most of us (be born, grow up and go to school, get married, and become a parent), but it isn't a cookie cutter plan. Heavenly Father knows each of us personally and knows what types of challenges we need to help us grow.
*Even though it seems impossible, the Savior really does suffer with us. He is there to love us and hold our hands through anything in life that we face. He is the only balm that can truly heal our suffering.
*It's okay to be different from the norm. Even though it's hard to be misunderstood by people who don't know about our situation, I can understand their point of view.
*It's perfectly acceptable to grieve challenges, feel sad and heartbroken, and even feel angry at times. It's okay to feel so hormonal that you cry during a commercial (ha!), or to cry for no reason at all.
*It's a waste of time to put my whole life on hold and decide I can't be happy until I get pregnant.
*I'm stronger than I think I am.
*Some things just don't make sense. God sends babies to thousands of women who get abortions, and there are lots of families like us who can't get pregnant. It's one of those great mysteries, but I know Heavenly Father knows what He's doing.
*Sometimes the best thing to do is just laugh. "There's never a good time for a bad attitude." (Thanks Tyler Wilkinson)
*It really is a huge blessing to have so much time for Shaye and I to strengthen our marriage and accomplish things we couldn't otherwise.
*There's always WAY more blessings to count than problems to lament over!
*Blessings do come--even if it feels like it will take FOREVER!
So here we go, commencing year #5. I've stopped telling myself "this will be the year!", but I always hope. Either way, I know everything will be okay. (Ask me that on a bad day, haha.) Thank you to all of you who have been so loving and supportive so far, I really owe you so much!
4 weeks ago