Savoring the Season {Little Moments of December 2014}

One of my most favorite things about Christmastime is how the season makes little everyday moments that much more special. Here are some special everyday moments of December 2014.

 

Once we got our massive 10 foot tree up, we Christened our little elf on the shelf "Lala." Emme thought she was pretty fun, but I could tell she wasn't quite old enough to grasp the tradition, so she sat on our tree the rest of the season. That, and I was busy with a newborn.

 Here are a few Mommy-Hudsie selfies. I love how he is asleep in each one. At this age, I truly want as much bodily contact with my babies as possible. I feel like the time is so fleeting. Even though I know it can be dangerous, I co-bed with my babies early on. I curl up to them on my side and nurse them on demand in the night. I live for the snuggles, and I'll take the nursing pain with it. (Oh, and also, I had mastitis in December. That's always fun.)

We began to venture out just a bit, mostly for the sake of my sanity. With Emme we stayed indoors for 6 weeks and she didn't really have contact with anyone but family. Obviously with the nativity and the scores of people he came into contact with, I sort of became brave. I just couldn't stand to be cooped up at home. I thought I would lose it--for reals. We went to the park and enjoyed the fresh air in the heat of midday and I even took Hudson to work when I had to run an errand. (And, let's be honest, I really just wanted to show him off.)

Characteristic of why we love our ward so much: Lisa Clement, who is Emme's nursery leader, came by and brought Emme a present that she had made for her to celebrate Hudson's birth. The Clement girls were darling and painted Emme's fingernails. I'm always so touched by how people respond to Emme. Most people seem to think she's as darling as I do. Everywhere we go it seems like people watch her and want to talk to her and know about her. She has a magnetic personality, so to speak.

When she opened this tutu, I knew we would never see the end of it. She wore it around the clock this month (until Christmas Day when Santa brought her an Elsa dress), and still puts it on nearly every day. I was so grateful to Lisa for her thoughtfulness.

 She wore it with mom's boots.

 She wore it as she smothered her little brother with loves.

 She wore it and admired herself. Often.

 She wore it playing around the house and yard.

I felt a little guilty letting her play outside in this darling tutu, but the pictures ended up so darn cute. This was not a battle I was picking.

December was a wonderful month in everyday moments.

Hudson as Baby Jesus in the World's Largest Nativity {12.1.14}

After Hudson arrived here safely, we realized something. Shaye was helping to produce this massive collaboration of YouTubers that was going to be a world-record-breaking nativity scene and a music video on The Piano Guys' channel. The producers already had a baby Jesus, but he was 9 months old, and we knew the perfect baby to play the role. I kept little mitts on his hands around the clock those first few weeks because I wanted to make sure he was ready for his close up.

We drove up to provo on December 1, and when we got there I kind of wondered what on earth I had been thinking. We knew that the nativity would be outside, but the producers had told us we would be in a VIP area with heated tents. When we got there, we realized that us and about another 100 people were "VIPs" and it was totally crazy and load. The event was very well organized, and was catered with Cafe Rio and all sorts of goodies, but it was hectic nonetheless.

Looking back, I feel a little silly because I didn't know how famous some of the people there were. Most of the YouTubers were people we had heard of or knew through Shaye's work, but some people, like the entire Shaytard family, I somehow hadn't heard of before. When I got home, I realized I'd been sitting right by this family who has millions and millions of followers. 

The whole event was truly interesting. There were people there of many Christian denominations and there was a clear emphasis on inter-faith and sharing a message about Christ that we could all agree upon. There was a clear feeling of spirituality there, but this was also combined with the feeling of a lot of artistic people looking for recognition, if I'm being honest. The people were all interesting and kind, but the collaboration was about a lot of people networking and being seen, which gave the event a little bit of a distracting feeling.

Of course, everyone kept asking why we there and then I would tell them that our son was playing baby Jesus in the nativity and people would fuss over him. With all the people saying, "He's 11 days old and you're bringing him out like this???" I started to feel really guilty. I just kept praying that he wouldn't get sick. He didn't, thank goodness!

The folks from Guinness came and declared it official-- it was the world's largest nativity! All of the 900 or so people dressed as angels were singing carols, and there was a heavenly feeling there. I wondered how Mary must have felt with all the countless angels celebrating her son's birth. I felt overwhelmed that my little baby was the center of this nativity, so small and insignificant in comparison with the real thing. 

Steve Jarvie was there and took these amazing photos! It is a doll in both of these photos, though I like to pretend it was Hudson. They actually filmed everything with a doll and just filmed Hudson for about 15 minutes for some close ups. This was a huge relief because I wanted to eliminate his exposure to the elements as much as possible and it was about 40 degrees out and it got much colder once the sun went down.

When they were ready for us, we laid Hudson in the manger and a hush fell over the set. I remember Alex Boyé tearing up when he saw him in the manger. "It's a real baby! I'm going to cry!" There were probably 15 people working the set, mostly men, and some of them got emotional too. It all just pulled on my heart strings. The personalness of the experience made me think of Christ's birth and the celebration of it in a more personal and experiential way.

The crew was so considerate and wanted to make sure I was at ease the whole time. They kept showing me the monitors so I could see the gorgeous shots that the head videography, Jake Schwartz, was getting. Whenever I'm on set, Shaye is always filming and directing The Piano Guys videos, and since he wasn't spearheading this operation, it was fun to just be able to hang out and let someone else stress.

Being involved in this nativity really was such a sweet experience. Hudson cooperated brilliantly and didn't make a peep the whole time. It was a special night that I will always remember. When the video debuted a week or so later, it was so exciting to see our friends and family share it. To have Hudson connected with our Savior and the way we celebrate Christmas so early in his life was a sweet blessing. What a great way for him to remember his first Christmas.

Brimming with Gratitude {Thanksgiving 2014}

Thanksgiving 2014 was truly a wonderful day. It was my original due date with Hudson, but instead of being in labor, I was holding my sweet week old boy. I was still feeling so overwhelmed with having two but also in total shock at the blessing of our lives. My gratitude that filled my heart made the holiday the sweetest its ever been for me, I think.

My sister-in-law, Cam, snapped this photo of us. It's definitely a challenge to get all of us looking at the camera, but I'm glad that this photo captures the craziness of our lives.

My mom decided to just decorate for Christmas a bit early. I think it would be unfestive for Thanksgiving, but it wasn't at all. She had a beautiful spread. The food was ridiculously good. I'm pretty sure I had three helpings of her coconut yams. I had been dreaming about them for months, and I was so happy to not have my diabetes restrictions now that I wasn't pregnant.

Hudson was the little star. We didn't have a ton of people there, just my immediate family as well as Stephanie's boyfriend David and two of his children. We all passed Hudson around and ooohed and ahhhed at all of his little features.

Amy is turning into quite the Martha Stewart, so I made her pose like her. She made this pumpkin cheesecake that was delish.

The highlight of this day was undoubtedly watching Shaye be a daddy of two. Having Emme made my heart full, but having both of them here is just double the joy. 

It was a Thanksgiving for the books!

The Honeymoon Phase {Hudson's First Few Weeks}

The days following Hudson's birth were truly heavenly. Bringing him home just felt so natural, like he had always been with us. I was just on cloud nine with all of the round-the-clock snuggles, the well wishes from loved ones, and that amazing newborn smell about him. I was so very smitten.

I love the way newborns look all over at the world and respond oh-so-slightly to voices. He already looked to me with so much trust. Hudson loved to eat and eat. He just couldn't get enough, and it was pretty exhausting.

I titled this post, "The Honeymoon Phase," because this is what my mother-in-law calls the first few weeks of a newborn's life when he sleeps a lot. I also think this expression was especially true for us because Emme seemed to be adjusting like a pro. I was also feeling pretty capable. She wore her dress ups and ate whatever, whenever. I just let it all slide and tried to do it with a smile.

Emme was a little bit rough with Hudson, but she didn't seem to resent him at all. In the weeks following, she became more difficult to entertain and more resentful of Hudson taking up so much of my attention. In the first week or so, I thought we might have dodged a bullet with adjusting, but there were still some minor bumps ahead.

This sweet boy. I just sat and looked at him all day, and I still do. I remember the second night we were home, I had this emotional high all of the sudden as I bounce him up and down while I was pacing around our room trying to calm him down. "We have a son! We have a son!" I kept saying. I could see in Shaye's eyes that he shared the same joy. I just couldn't get over how handsome and sweet he was. He looks so much like his daddy and has my family's almond shape eyes. Such a dreamy little guy.

We have the world's best Relief Society President. For real. She also happens to be my good friend. Shantel Pack found out that we were coming home, and the following day was on our doorstep with this meal. I took a photo and sent it to my mom with the words, "My Relief Society President is better than yours." Our ward took exceptionally good care of us in the weeks that followed. The Fishers brought us a delicious beef roast dinner, the Dalleys brought us a BBQ chicken dinner, and Heather Lewis thoughtfully brought us Chicken Noodle soup for dinner a few weeks later. Our good friends Kyle and Liz, and Liz's sister Mal brought us dinner too.

I think because we live in a neighborhood with mostly older kids, our neighbors were exceptionally excited about Hudson's arrival. It seems like every few days for the first month of his life someone showed up with a gift. I received many texts of other moms checking in on me. We are also lucky enough to call Skyler and Jamie neighbors. They live about a 2 minute drive away. Shayden and Landon play so well with Emme and are so tender with Hudsie.

Having him meet Grandma Hirschi was a special moment. We are so blessed to still have her with us. She is the sweetest woman and especially lights up when she sees my kids.

I'll always treasure these photos. Something about seeing them together, snuggled up in our bed just made my heart want to burst.

This photo was taken after a particularly stressful Sunday morning. I sent Emme to church with Shaye thinking that I might get a break from the craziness, but he returned home with her after she pitched a fit about going to nursery and he had to bring her home and wasn't able to teach his gospel principles class. She made up for it by falling asleep in our bed when I snapped this shot. With this sort of attention-seeking behavior, we began to transition out of the honeymoon phase.

Pre-Hudson November in Pictures

I know I just blogged Hudson's birth story, but then I remembered that there were some fun, everyday moments preceding his birth that I hadn't recorded yet. Here is everyday November in pictures:

Emme indulging in a chocolate cupcake after activity days one Friday. There's something about her curls and messy face in this photo that really gets me.

 In late summer, our bishopric called me to temporarily serve as ward organist. I was pretty shocked, just because I had never played an organ in my life, but I was willing to learn. I was pretty terrified every week, but Tammy Tremea in our ward was a wonderful support and I learned so much. I definitely made lots of mistakes, but everyone was so nice about it. I laugh now to think of my big pregnant belly nearly touching the keys. The bishopric called me to play a few months ago, as a permanent calling, but I turned them down (something I've never done before) just because of the circus act of chasing our spastic daughter and nursing Hudson is in church now. Someday I'm sure I'll be able to play again.

In early November, The Piano Guys came down and shot a music video at Tuacahn. It's always such a treat to see them. Shaye sees them a lot more than I do and is in contact with them daily while they are on tour, but it's only once in a blue moon that I get to see them. These guys all feel like family, and I always feel recharged to support Shaye through the creative work of his job after reconnecting with them. 

When we came on set, Steve and Al were sharing parenting advice on becoming parents to two and were entertaining Emme and indulging her imagination, showing her all of the beautiful scenery in the canyon near the stage. It warmed my heart. I also loved seeing Shaye in the director's chair, commanding the crew and filming from the drone they were using. I'm so proud of him and the amazing videos he spearheads and works to create.

 Just before Hudson was born, Nana got a swing set with a little climbing wall and slide. Emme is absolutely obsessed with it, of course. She always wants to "swiiiiiing" and asks us in her adorable but whiny voice.

 Emme went to her two year check up. I was surprised when she wasn't a bit worried about seeing the doctor. I think because she's seen Dr. McStuffins a few times she thought the stethoscope and other instruments were pretty cool and was chatting it up the whole time with Dr. Smith.

 I love this shot a few days before Hudson was born. She sat in this bouncer for a long time. This is what Emme always looks like in the morning--sometimes until noon. Messy hair, jammies, and dress ups on top. I love it.

 Doing some last minute shopping, I backed into a park car. Lucky for the other car, I just hit the dumb hitch on the back of a pick up truck. Because it was metal, it didn't hurt their care and gave me a 3 inch gash on my bumper. When I sheepishly called Shaye, he didn't miss a beat: "Don't even worry about it, babe. It's not even a big deal. We'll just get it fixed." He knew that I was stressed out as it was and just totally minimized the whole thing. That's just the kind of man he is. (Oh, and I'm cracking up over the hugeness of my belly silhouette on my car!)

And that's everyday November--I say "everyday" because there were just so many special days that deserve special posts. The everyday grind wasn't so bad either, though.

Hudson's Birth Story {11.20.14}

So many things about the arrival of my sweet Hudson were a surprise--from the shocking ease of conceiving him (something that still boggles my mind because of the 5 years and advanced intervention it took us to get pregnant with Emme), to the illness and discomfort that filled my pregnancy, to the several false alarms with labor, and the quick delivery when he did come. All these things were surprises and all so wonderful and worth it in the end.

In the weeks leading up to having him, I had many contractions. Sometimes they stayed close together for hours and I would think it was the real deal. One night when I was around 37 weeks,  I started contracting, and this time I felt my hormones shift suddenly and got really jittery and wanted to hold Emme. I thought for sure I was in real labor, but then the contractions died down. When I was 38 weeks, I found out that I was already dilated to a 4, and so I was in eager anticipation after that. A week later, I went in and was still at a 4. Dr. Lunt stripped my membranes, which didn’t hurt at all, and I was pretty sure I would have him soon after.

That evening I started having regular contractions. They began to get strong, but didn’t really get closer together. We packed everything up and headed to the hospital. It was such a weird feeling knowing that when we came back we'd have another person with us. We dropped Emme off at my parents', and I cried a little bit. The days leading up to Hudson’s birth were emotional. She was my whole world and thinking about the changes made me worry about her feeling neglected and made me very nostalgic about the first 2 years of her life. I think I have a little bit of separation anxiety, and the thought of being without her even for the night made me sad.

When we got to the hospital, they checked me and told me I was only at a 3.5. I was confused, of course, because I had no idea how I could reverse dilate. The nurse who helped us was bubbly and well-meaning, but I was so annoyed. She came back an hour later and told me there hadn’t really been any cervical change. It was so weird, but I felt furious with her. I thought she was incompetent. It hurt a lot when she checked me, and the news she offered wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was so upset and started crying when she walked out of the room. My contractions were strong and definitely didn't feel like Braxton Hicks, but they were still a bit erratically spaced. She contacted Dr. Lunt, who told them just to keep me. I was so relieved.

They transferred me to labor and delivery, and I got a new nurse, who was wonderful. I wish I could remember her name, but she was closer to my mom's age and was just very calm. She started me on pitocin, which really made my contractions tough. Dr. Lunt came and broke my water, which--to my shock--didn’t hurt at all, and then my contractions became very intense.

It was comical because Shaye had just ordered dinner. He would take the cover off of his food and start to take a bite, and then I would have a tough contraction. He would look horrified, and then put the lid back on his food. This must have happened half a dozen times.

The contractions soon got so strong that I began to crave someone to hold my hand and look me in the eye. Shaye looked at me shyly, apologetically. The nurse looked at me squarely and kept telling me to blow out the pain. I kept doing my La Maze breathing, but it suddenly felt very ineffective. The pain was extraordinary. It seemed to radiate through my whole body. I had maybe had a few rough contractions with Emme, but the pain seemed more muted with her and much more gradual. These contractions were sudden and very rapid. I found myself praying constantly, and I asked my female loved ones on the other side to attend to me.

I immediately felt them there, cheering me on. Personalities infused the room and wrapped around me like a blanket of comfort. I could feel my Granny there with her electric excitement and love, and I knew how proud she was of me. I could feel my Great Great Grandma Jones there, not as strongly as the others, but I could feel her experiences of her own births and her support for me. It took me a bit by surprise when I could feel my Great Grandma Kane there, who died before I was born. She was no-nonsense and was coaching me, encouraging me to be tough. I, of course, have never met her, but I have recently learned a lot about her through reading my dad’s novels based on her life. They were there for the rest of the night, fading quietly into the background. Having them there was one of the sweetest spiritual experiences of my life.

I probably had 8 rough contractions before the wonderful anesthesiologist, Dr. Lind, came in. He is friends with my Uncle Court and was so sweet and comforting. I probably had 4 intense contractions as he gave me the epidural and then the medicine began to kick in soon and the contractions lessened in their intensity substantially. Once I’d had the epidural, they checked me and I was at a 7. By then I was starting to shake a lot, and once the epidural sunk in more, I started to get giddy and a little loopy. The nurse told me to be sure to let her know if I felt pressure.

It was strange because it seems like it was only 20 minutes after the epidural that I began to feel pressure, and a lot of it. When the nurse checked me, she said Hudson was crowning. They called Dr. Lunt, who was sleeping at the hospital for me, to let him know. It all became very surreal at this point. I was exhausted and it was near midnight but I was no longer in pain, so I was totally looney. I made all these corny jokes and just praised the nurses and Dr. Lunt repeatedly for taking good care of me. The nurses seemed touched, but Dr. Lunt is all business in the delivery room, which was a change from the office, where he is much more cheerful.

When I began pushing, I felt like I remembered the technique from when I had Emme. It was much more productive this time. I had 4 contractions before I was done and it was about 8 minutes total for the delivery. By the 3^rd push, I felt like I was really pushing him out quickly. Soon Dr. Lunt said, “let me do the rest.” I stopped pushing, but was afraid to ask what he meant. Surely, I couldn’t be having him already! But just like that, he started to pull Hudson out. I looked down and saw his little face and immediately saw his resemblance to Shaye.

Soon he was clear out and on my chest. Born at 12:08 a.m., less than 15 minutes after I'd started pushing. I had the initial impulse to cry and did maybe a bit, but I found myself laughing. Shaye and my mom, who had gotten there just before I started pushing, were too. It was just the same astonishment I felt when I had found out I was pregnant. He was here and I just couldn’t believe it! For years I had imagined having a son, and I had always imagined that my first was a son, so through all of those years of infertility, I had been picturing him as the rainbow at the end of the storm, not my darling daughter who came first.

I felt the same shock that I did with Emme. In the first few seconds, I expected to have an instant bond, but at first I just felt newness. Soon, though, feeling him nestle against me, so unified with me, I could feel that unbreakable bond. My son, who had been near me on the other side for so many years, was here. He knew me, and I knew him. They took him away too quickly to give him some immunizations and clean him up a bit. They weighed him--8 lb 12 oz and 21 inches long! Healthy and strong! The nurses had me feed him much sooner than with Emme, and he latched on right away, like a pro.

I was so happy just to be near him. My recovery went well. Dr. Lunt stitched me up a bit, and said that I didn’t tear as badly as I did with Emme. I sort of went through all the motions at this point. I knew I would be in pain, but I knew it was just part of the deal. The afterbirth pains were pretty rough. Every time I nursed him, I was pretty much in agony. I thought I had them strongly with Emme, but they were nothing compared to the second time. It really did feel like labor again.

I had good nurses in recovery. My favorite was Josey, a British lady who must have been in her seventies. She was so proper and so sweet. My least favorite nurse was one who had worked at Old Navy with Shaye. She talked our ears off for 45 minutes at 2 in the morning. Apparently she couldn’t feel the vibes from me, begging her to let me sleep. On a more positive note, that night I ate pasta. I hadn't had anything like this for 2 months because of my gestational diabetes. Everything tasted amazing!

Hudson was a very good baby. He wanted to nurse a lot, but was very content in my arms. He was definitely more fussy than Emme, but still not bad at all. 

Emme came with my parents to visit us in the morning, and she wanted nothing to do with me. (You can guess why I have no pictures.) I think she was just scared seeing me in a hospital bed, but she wouldn’t touch me and wasn’t too sure about the baby. I started bawling. I felt rejected and was so worried about her. Later in the day she came back and did a bit better. We had a gift there for her from Hudson, a little ballerina doll, and I had my mom take her to get him a gift. She chose a little Caterpillar rattle. She was still afraid of me, but just not as much, which made me feel better.

We had quite a few visitors, but we were still able to get some good naps in, and we had a blast with my sister-in-law Mandy just down the hall. By some wonderful stroke of luck, we both had our boys within 16 hours. They barely missed sharing a birthday. We had both had the same due date, November 27, but we didn't think there was any way we'd actually have them so close. The nurses got rather confused as Shaye's brother Shane is married to a Mandy. (Shaye and Amanda--Shane and Mandy. Who names one of their kids Shane and another Shaye? Oh yeah, my mother-in-law had 10 kids!) We knew our boys would always be close friends, and it all started there in the hospital. Hudson's new cousin Parker was under the bilirubin lights quite a bit, though, and Mandy wasn't feeling great, so we didn't get pictures. :(

We left the hospital at about 9 at night. Besides the constant nurses checking up on me, the stay was great. I loved having all the meals and the nurses made sure my pain level was good. When we got home, Emme fell asleep soon but Hudson was up all night. Every night after that he was rather good, though. I nursed him in bed and was able to get a lot of rest as a result.

I still continue to be overcome with gratitude to have my son here. He is the best surprise of my life, and he feels like part of my soul living outside of my body.  He is an appendage of my own heart that I never entirely knew was missing until I held him for the first time.