33 Weeks and Living in Gratitude

I just wanted to add a quick little update. My pregnancy is moving right along, and I'm just feeling so grateful and happy every single day. It definitely hasn't been all roses; I'm pretty uncomfortable at times. Today, for example, I had a killer migraine--definitely not fun. I'm also noticing that most of my shoes don't fit anymore and my skin is peppered with stretch marks all over my hips. There's definitely been overwhelming moments and times when I'm really uncomfortable, but it's been so interesting to sense the difference between this discomfort and every other discomfort I've ever felt. Every negative thing I feel is so tempered with love for this little one I am carrying and the awe I feel at this blessing. I hope that I can carry this through all that is to come with my pregnancy, childbirth, and post-partum healing. Somehow I think I will. :)

Trying to get pregnant for all those years was rather painful at times. The surgeries, the debilitating pain from endometriosis, and all the doctors' poking and prodding left me really frustrating with my body. But now, even though I feel big, and puffy, and definitely not sexy, I'm so proud of my body! My body has done all that it should for the whole pregnancy. I'm doing it! It's been so healing for me.

Every now and then the obvious, but powerful, realization hits me--sometimes when I'm walking, sometimes when I'm in the shower, sometimes when I lie down at night and feel the baby twisting and turning inside of me. I am a mother. This blessing that Shaye and I hoped for and prayed for so long is happening. It's such a miracle. Just being pregnant with her and carrying her is worth every tear I cried over those 5 years. I already feel so close to our little girl. Most of the time it feels like she's already here with us. I know it will even be sweeter when I can actually hold her in my arms.  I also can't wait to see Shaye as a father. I know he's going to be a hopeless push-over and our little miss is going to have him wrapped around her finger from the get-go. :)

Life is wonderful here at the Scotts'! We're living a miracle, and it's changed everything. I know that miracles happen, not only for me, but for all of us. When I see those that I love struggling with all sorts of things, I feel so much hope for them. I know that Heavenly Father listens on all those nights when we think He's sick of us, that the Lord comforts us and builds us up through the power of his love, and that things do get better for those who diligently seek His help and then work like crazy to make it happen. Miracles come in many forms and are sometimes not exactly what we hope for or expect, but they come!

So. grateful.

Showered with Love--part 2

I have been feeling ridiculously blessed lately. Ridiculously. So many people have been reaching out with so much love and excitement to us, and it sinks in more and more each day--I'm going to be a mom! Some days are rather uncomfortable or even a bit painful, it's true, but the magic of pregnancy never fades for me. I still can't believe how blessed we are. And even though I've always known it, our little miracle has made it even more apparent than ever how blessed I am to have wonderful friends.

A few weekends ago my dear friends from Executive Council-- (Exec Sisters 4 Life! :))-- threw me a shower. These girls have been here for me through thick and thin. We can't get together a lot because we're all spread out, but when we do, I feel like I'm with family. We're such a diverse little group of friends; the dynamic of the group reminds me of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books. We're all so different, but we're close and we love each other. Here are some of these girls, a few couldn't make it too.

Ray-shell, Cinders, and J-Thug. Love these ladies!

The shower was so much fun! I just loved chatting with everyone and catching up, and eating all the yummy food my friends made! One of my favorite moment was when a bunch of my friends were all sitting on the floor with their babies. It made think about all the times growing up that I would fantasize about when we would all be mothers and would hope that I would still be friends with the same girls. I still am! And I love the girls I grew up with so much!

Megs and Katie (and little Lacey)...so darling!

And boy was I showered on! I always have a hard time accepting people's generosity. I feel like I should be the one giving to them because of all the love I already feel from them. I got so much fun stuff... darling little outfits, toys, quilts, swaddle blankets, and even a pedicure! From the looks on my face in these pics, you can tell how much I loved the present for the baby.

Haha--I crack myself up! I always think of myself as this straight-faced person, but then I see pictures of myself with these crazy expressions! :)

So, what can I say? Life is pretty much amazing. I have the most amazing friends and am so blessed in every way! Thank you so much to all the people who love me. I hope I help you as much in your lives as you do in mine! Our little girl will be blessed to have all of you in her life as well!

Showered with Love--part 1

This last Saturday, one of the sweetest things of my life happened. My young women threw me and another leader Skye, my good friend, a shower. It might not sound like that emotional of a thing, but it was very emotional for me. For the past 3 years I have served these girls, and in the pain of my infertility, I felt like a sort of surrogate mother for them. They filled a portion of my life that would have otherwise been very empty.

The girls really downplayed the shower. "It's going to be really small. No big thing." But it was a big thing. There were a dozen or so of us there, and there was so much love in the room. The church was decorated SO CUTE! There were these paper lanterns and tissue paper puffs hanging from the ceiling and a darling "Baby Girl" banner. The other leaders put together these cute games. The girls smelled candy bar diapers and tried to estimate how big Skye's and my bellies were together (back to back).

The girls put together the sweetest gifts. Among my favorites were some gorgeous felt headband accessories and an unbelievably darling quilt. I felt so overwhelmed. This whole time of my life is such a blessing. I can't wait for what's to come. I know the upcoming celebrations and (of course) the birth of our little girl will be even sweeter.

7 Months Along and Loving Life!

Hi Friends,

My apologies that I've been such a bad blogger lately. I'm not sure why, but the longer I take the post, the harder it is.

My life consists of a few important things right now: nesting and studying. I have to say, I am a really spoiled pregnant lady. I have worked my whole pregnancy, but after my first trimester, I've only been teaching online and not on campus. I'm such a homebody that I really don't mind lounging around the house all day. There's really a lot to do around here. (Do I really get the "important" things done? Not so much--most days, but I have been having fun.)

My nesting has gotten out of control folks. Seriously. If I were a normal woman I would be invading every retailer in town to buy darling baby stuff, but I hate waste, and I don't want to end up with 30 newborn outfits that our little girl won't even get the chance to wear. To tell you the truth, I haven't bought anything.

My nesting has been of the crafty variety. I have been quilting and sewing most. This wouldn't be ridiculous on it's own, but I'm telling you, I've planned out a whole wardrobe for our little girl. Hopefully she doesn't look totally weird always walking around in hand-crafted clothes. :/ Here's the latest thing I've made:

My nesting really would be perfectly fine, except that I have a lot of academic things I need to do. I don't think I've written about this at all on here yet, but the last year or so of my Ph.D. has been tough! (You can skip the next few paragraphs if academic chatter bores you.) Last fall I took on a full load of teaching and my own coursework because I knew we would be doing IVF at the first of the year and hoped that we would conceive--(epic success!!). That semester was totally exhausting. It's a wonder I didn't crash one of those nights driving back from Vegas. I was so tired. Last spring, I studied for my comprehensive exams. As is typical for Ph.D. programs, I am required to pass 3 written exams and one oral exam. For these exams I reviewed a list of about 200 works. These texts were in 3 different categories: 19th Century British Literature, The History of the Novel, and Feminist Literature.

The written exams involve sitting in a locked room for 3 hours for each exams and answering essay questions that can be on anything my committee wants to know from my three lists. I took these exams in April and they were SO TOUGH, and I had morning sickness, which didn't help at all. I felt pretty confident, but studying so much volume made me feel confused sometimes. I was totally crestfallen when my chair called me a few after I had completed the exams and told me that I had not passed 1 of the 3. This set me back from starting my dissertation, which I was really hoping to get started before the baby came.

Instead, now I'm studying for my last written exam again. (It's the 19th Century British one, which is the one I felt most confident about last time..??) There's a lot of pressure because if I don't pass this time, they don't let me write a dissertation. I'll be taking the written exam in the next few weeks and then I'll face my committee a few weeks after that. (Imagine 3 Ivy-League-educated, ultra-liberal, and super smart lady Drs. of Literature who all want to find something wrong with me. No pressure.)

And so I'm reading lots and lots. This is what's been on the menu for the past few weeks:

Oh, and on top of that, I need to pass an upper-division Spanish Lit class (Independent Study from BYU) by the time the baby comes. I LOVE school, don't get me wrong, but I am so really to be done. I've got to pull my head out of all the pink tull and floral printed fabric in the nursery to get this done. Wish me luck.

As far as my pregnancy, it's really a gift. Feeling this little baby move inside me is such a miracle. I can't believe I'm really going to be a mommy. It's such miracle, and I try to thank Heavenly Father every day for it. I'm feeling pretty good, but I definitely am getting more uncomfortable. Most nights I sleep great, but about every third night either heartburn or pain in my ribs keep me up. Alas, not even my trusty body pillow can completely alleviate the discomfort.

I have about 2.5 months to go, which oddly feels both long and short. I guess I was expecting my pregnancy to go so slowly, and it hasn't gone slowly at all. I look at my tummy in the morning and think, "what happened?!"In some ways I feel totally prepared for what's about to happen, and in some ways I feel like I'll never be prepared. I'm sure any of you who have had babies know what I mean. Sometimes I'm a jumble of emotions, but I remind myself to take it all in stride and try to just enjoy the ride. :)

Thanks for reading. I promise I'll update again soon. Now all the excitement is happening!

Pregnancy So Far

Pregnancy so far has been absolutely wonderful, especially the past few months since I've been over my nausea for the most part. When people ask me how it feels to finally be pregnant, I find myself at a loss to explain my emotions, which is an unusual situation for me. I am just. so. happy. In all the years that we tried to conceive I always imagined finally getting pregnant, and I imagined that every day of my life would feel like a gift. That is exactly how I feel. I am in awe of the miracle that has happened to us, and I feel so much gratitude.

A few weeks ago I think Shaye realized that all the horror stories his friends had told him about how cranky their wives were pregnant would be a different situation than ours. One day he said, "you're a lot less hormonal pregnant than you were in all the years we were trying to get pregnant." And it's true. I feel more calm and certainly more happy now than I ever have. Sometimes this happiness makes me into a bit of a ridiculous person. Whenever I can feel the baby kicking, I get this goofy grin that I can't wipe off my face. If we're around family, I want everyone to be able to feel the baby kick. Sometimes I cry during diaper commercials and IHC newborn commercials. I cry, not because I'm feeling loopy and hormonal, and certainly not because I'm sad, but because I am just so happy. We didn't know if this would ever happen for us, and I feel like my whole life is a miracle now.

So, you'll see that I'm really a broken record. I'm perpetually happy and I don't care who knows it. How did I get so blessed? I am happier than I ever imagined being, and I know that it will only get better from here. Despite all of the challenges that undoubtedly await us, I know that the Lord has prepared me to be a mother, and that as I work to do all that I can for our baby he will make up the difference.

And now here is a long overdue update on our little miracle.

16 weeks. This was when I could first here the baby move. Such an amazing feeling! I thought it was my imagination at first, but then as time went on I learned to recognize it. Now I can feel the baby respond to loud sounds and she always kicks when I lay down at night. She's going to be a busy little night owl like her mama, I can feel it!

Our gender reveal party with my family. This was WAY more fun than I imagined it being. We kept our ultrasound a secret. I was SURE I was having a boy, so imagine my surprise when the technician, after the baby hid from us for a good 40 minutes, told us it was A GIRL! I was seriously shocked and couldn't stop giggling. I made a gender reveal cake that turned out horribly--(the aspiring Martha Stewart side of me imagined this perfectly decorated cake and it just didn't happen!) This resulted in my first, and so far, only pregnancy melt down. When we got to my parents' everyone was so excited to here the news. We were waiting for my Dad to come down to the kitchen and my mom caught a fleck of pink on the outer white frosting of the cake. "I see pink," she said. I tried to act like that was so weird, but I was totally freaking out. Here is the video of her cutting the cake. It was so fun!:

I am SO EXCITED that we're having a girl and so is Shaye. What's not to love about girls?? She's the first grandbaby for by parents and the first girl in Shaye's ginormous family in a long time. She's going to be so loved!  I'm almost 22 weeks now, and I can't believe I'll be able to hold her in 4 short months!

I'll post another update soon of my more recent pregnancy and our cruise to Alaska. We had such a fun little Babymoon!

I'm A Guest Blogger! :)

Hi Friends,

I just wanted to drop a quick line to tell you that I am being featured as a guest blogger on my good friend Kenna's infertility and adoption blog. She is one of the many AMAZING women I've met on this journey and I've learned so much from her strong endurance through many insanely difficult trials. It was such a pleasure to share my experiences on her blog. My piece is entitled "My Revised Fairytale" and you can view it here: http://www.myiwrite.com/2012/05/revised-fairytale.html.

Lots of love!

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day was simply amazing for me this year. I hate to admit it, but Mother's Day has been a bit dreaded for me for the past few years. Once I even faked sick to get out of going to church. (Shame on me!) This year, we woke up in a hurry as usual, and I hadn't really given much thought to the day. In sacrament meeting I was so nauseous I didn't have time to really feel anything meaningful, but in Relief Society when my bishop stood up and struggled through tears to talk about the divinity of motherhood and showed several short Mormon Message videos on it, I totally lost it. In one of the short videos there was a dark haired young mom holding a tiny dark haired infant and it hit me that that was going to be me. It was a real "full circle" moment for me. For 5 years we have fasted and prayed to be parents and struggled with the pain of loss and disappointment, and now I can hardly believe our blessings!

I'm just so extremely grateful for the miracle of pregnancy and the divine heritage that we have to be able to be mothers. What could be more sweet? I now feel that I am coming into full step with who I'm really meant to be. I'm certain that I'll continue to change a lot as my journey progresses, and doubtless, there will be intense challenges up ahead, but there is nothing I would want to do with my life but this!

To make this weekend even better, I got to attend my long-time friend Nikki's baby shower on Saturday. It was so fun! It was another first for me. Baby showers have been a bit hard for the past few years too. Honestly, I've never had a hard time being happy for my friends--not at all! However, sometimes I felt self-conscious and felt the need to be super-Pollyanna about things. No one wants a cranky infertile woman to crash the shower!

This was just so different. I felt that full bloom in my heart of the joy of being a woman and a mother. I even posed for my first belly shot (above), which felt a bit foolish because I'm just barely showing. You can see my cracking up in the second picture because Nikki is jamming her 8 month pregnant tummy into my back to help my baby bump look bigger. I love my friends so so much! It was a joyous day for me to talk to them, play with their sweet babies, and look forward to the future.

In short, life really couldn't be any better. I feel so richly blessed, and I just can't believe how sweet and joyous my life is as I feel this little baby grow inside of me. How did I get so lucky?