A wise poet, Robert Frost, once wrote:
| Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— | |
| I took the one less traveled by, | |
And that has made all the difference. |
Those of you who are close to me know how much I want to be a mom. At the end of March Shaye and I went on a total emotional roller coaster ride at the sheer joy of finding out I was pregnant and then the gut wrenching disappointment of losing the pregnancy within the week. Though I know early miscarriages are very common (some sources report that 50-60% of first pregnancies end in early miscarriage), it was quite difficult for me because we've been trying to conceive for so long. In some ways it is a huge blessing to know that I can get pregnant at all. Even so, my first thought when I found out I was miscarrying was, will it take us 3 more years to get pregnant again?
The bottom line is that I don't know what will happen, but I do know that God has led me down a path and He will continue to lead me. It is a path that I never thought I would go down-- a path full of graduate research conferences, faculty meetings, alone time with Shaye, and a fluffy little dog who makes a pretty good substitute for a baby... for now :)
I'm grateful for all that I have. And as brilliant as Robert Frost is, I think his poem neglects the most important part of the journey--our Master Guide and Savior. I know that I am not only taking the road less traveled, but I have a merciful Guide who knows all paths and will help me through.
12 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful post. I love your thoughts about how Heavenly Father guides us. Thanks for sharing. I know it can be difficult sometimes.
Oh I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I can't imagine that pain and disappointment. You will be a fabulous mother someday, hopefully soon. Love you! Melené
Oh amanda!!! That breaks my heart. I'm so sorry to hear about that. That was an awesome post, and I know one day you'll be a mommy. I can't wait till you can have that day. You'll be so adorable!
Sweet Amanda,
I am so, so sorry. So many of us women experience this at one time or another. I did, but I went on to have two more babies. It takes time, but your heart will heal - and you WILL have another baby. Hang in there! Love, Sophia
Oh Amanda I am so sorry to hear about your loss and struggles. I don't know if you knew or not but I had a baby girl last december that didn't make it past delivery. I know it is a different situation but if you ever need anyone to talk to I would love to be the one. I wish you the best and may you have patience until you are blessed with a sweet little angel. I truly believe someday it will come for all who truly desire to be mothers. One day we will be so lucky I am sure of it.
Amanda I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been. I hope to get to know you better. Ryker talks about mimi all the time.
There's a choral arrangement of "the road not taken" that is really beautiful. It usually pops into my head at least once a month. I love that poem.
Very sorry about your loss, but it's wonderful to know Heavenly Father has some kind of plan for each of us.
This passage brings a lot of comfort to me during hard times:
D&C 72: 17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are as little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;
18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.
I Love you Amanda. I pray for and think of you often!
Amanda, I just came across your blog and that is the sweetest testimony in blog form that I have ever read. You are exactly right, the Lord knows the plan and He also knows what a great Mother you will be so be patient and the blessings WILL come. Love to you and Shaye!
Oh Amanda I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how hard that must be. My heart really hurts for you guys. Thanks for setting such a good example with your attitude and faith.
Juli
I'm so sad to hear about this...You are two of my favorite people. I know sometimes it doesn't help to have everyone say, "I know how that feels", but I understand. We lost two babies at eleven weeks along each. It is heartbreaking. I finally put it in the Lord's hands. That's hard to do, but sometimes the only way to have peace. You will be in my prayers.
Beautifully written. You are resilient and loving and you are going to make an awesome mother!
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