Transfer Complete!

Hello Lovelies,

I have good news...I am feeling a lot better, and, most importantly, we were able to go through with the transfer Wednesday! YEY!!!!! We were so afraid the doctors wouldn't let us, even up until the last moment when the doctor did an ultrasound and found all this fluid trapped in my abdomen from my over-stimulated ovaries.

The transfer was such a beautiful experience and is hard to explain. The procedure is pretty uncomfortable, kind of like a pap smear on steroids that lasts 15 minutes, but they had me on Valium for it, so it wasn't so bad. The first thing they did was bring in a picture of our embryos. They let Shaye see it first. It was in a little card-stock frame like prom pictures are. I know it sounds so weird, but I feel so much love when I look at this picture. Even though it's just two little blastocysts (embryos that are beginning to separate into both baby cells and placenta cells), they hold the possibility of a future family for us.

Toward the end of the procedure, the Embryologist brought in our embryos in a tiny syringe. They injected it into a catheter that was placed in my uterus and I watched on the monitor as a tiny white dot (both of our embryos) embedded into my uterine wall. I was taken aback by the feeling of wonder and gratitude that I felt at the miracle of science. Even though we don't know what this experience will bring or what the outcome will be, it is definitely making us stronger people, and we are so grateful for the opportunity to try.

Here is a picture of me right after the transfer. I have my earbuds in because I'm listening to a guided meditation meant to relax me after the transfer. I've been listening to this program (which has different guided meditations for each day of the cycle) throughout the process and it's made so much of a difference because of how high stress this process is.

So for now I have what those in the infertility world call the 2ww (2 week wait). I'm trying to stay calm, relaxed, and open, but my mind definitely wanders. There are a lot of moments I feel really concerned just because I'm still feeling so ill, though overall I'm doing much better and eating again (HOORAY!). However, my lungs have been filling with fluid from the over-stimulation lately, which has caused me to cough a lot. Each time I cough, I worry. I try to remind myself that there are drug addicts and extreme athletes out there doing crazy things and these women maintain their pregnancies, but I still worry. I just don't want to do a thing wrong. I am on bed rest/ loaf around on the couch rest for 5 days, as my doctors suggested, and I'm drinking 64 ounces of Gatorade (and nothing else) to keep myself hydrated from my over-stimulation. I used to love a Gatorade after working out. I'm pretty sure I'll never want one again after this. Ever. :)

This experience so far has taught me so so much. It's brought Shaye and me so much closer. He's never had to be my caretaker before, and he's done it so brilliantly and been there for me at every moment. I've also learned a lot about suffering. I know that there are people out there going through things a hundred times worse than I, but this is the hardest thing I've ever done. There have been times when I have prayed for relief from pain and still been left to endure it for a long time. It has taught me that the core of myself is a lot stronger than I knew. I have also learned a lot about prayer. I've never been in a situation where so many were praying in my behalf, and it is an amazing feeling. It makes me feel the connectedness of what makes us brothers and sisters.

So, the waiting continues, my friends. We will know in about two weeks, and so I can assure you that we'll post on here then. (Really, how could we ever be one of those couples who waits until the second trimester? Once we planned to do IVF we knew that wasn't in the cards for us. :))

Love you all so much! Thank you for the love and support. It means more to us than you could possibly imagine!