This week marks 4 years since Shaye and I have been trying to become parents. Sometimes it's been difficult, emotional, and downright depressing. With countless rounds of Clomid, 4 doctors, and one round of artificial insemination that resulted in a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage), we know we've done a lot, but we still have a lot ahead of us. It's been the biggest challenge of my life, by far, but I think that it's also yielded the most personal growth in my life. Here are a few things I've learned so far in this journey:
*Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I grew up thinking that it was pretty much a uniform plan for most of us (be born, grow up and go to school, get married, and become a parent), but it isn't a cookie cutter plan. Heavenly Father knows each of us personally and knows what types of challenges we need to help us grow.
*Even though it seems impossible, the Savior really does suffer with us. He is there to love us and hold our hands through anything in life that we face. He is the only balm that can truly heal our suffering.
*It's okay to be different from the norm. Even though it's hard to be misunderstood by people who don't know about our situation, I can understand their point of view.
*It's perfectly acceptable to grieve challenges, feel sad and heartbroken, and even feel angry at times. It's okay to feel so hormonal that you cry during a commercial (ha!), or to cry for no reason at all.
*It's a waste of time to put my whole life on hold and decide I can't be happy until I get pregnant.
*I'm stronger than I think I am.
*Some things just don't make sense. God sends babies to thousands of women who get abortions, and there are lots of families like us who can't get pregnant. It's one of those great mysteries, but I know Heavenly Father knows what He's doing.
*Sometimes the best thing to do is just laugh. "There's never a good time for a bad attitude." (Thanks Tyler Wilkinson)
*It really is a huge blessing to have so much time for Shaye and I to strengthen our marriage and accomplish things we couldn't otherwise.
*There's always WAY more blessings to count than problems to lament over!
*Blessings do come--even if it feels like it will take FOREVER!
So here we go, commencing year #5. I've stopped telling myself "this will be the year!", but I always hope. Either way, I know everything will be okay. (Ask me that on a bad day, haha.) Thank you to all of you who have been so loving and supportive so far, I really owe you so much!
4 weeks ago
8 comments:
Amanda, my heart aches for you. Your attitude is amazing. You two will stay in my thoughts and prayers.
I loved reading this. I'm so sorry you have to face this trial, but you are definitely keeping the right perspective on it. I have 2 sisters that have had a lot of struggles with this as well. One has a really hard time getting pregnant...after 9 years they adopted...then got pregnant...then couldn't for years again...then adopted again. The other sister has had too many mis-carriages to count, and still no baby. It is so hard!
Heavenly Father does have a plan for you, and you will be a mother...you just don't know when, or how yet. When it is your time though, you are going to be such an incredible mother!
i LOVE your attitude. a few more prayers wouldn't hurt.... you guys will stay in ours :)
Whenever it happens, however it happens, I want to come help you celebrate! Until then, I'm rejoicing with you a little bit each time you accomplish something else! I'm always in awe of you and Shaye. You guys are going to save the world I think. :)
Your attitude is so positive--it is inspiring. Personally, I can't think of two people who would be better parents, and I do hope that this dream will be fulfilled one day. And good for you for deciding to be happy in the meanwhile!
I think about you often. You are such an amazing example of love. If you ever are interested in an in vitro doc- I know of one in Alaska that has a great sucess rate. He is not too expensive either. I don't know your medical situation...I love you and want you to have every opportnity you wish to have. Let me know if you want more info. You are such a strong daughter of our Heavenly Father!
Amanda. I look up to you and Shaye for going through this. We have so many friends who share your struggle and it breaks my heart. I don't understand it either. I'm so impressed what you have been doing! PHD? Rockin! It's ok to cry and be angry. :)
Best of my wishes.
wow thanks for posting this. your such a strong person! truly amazing positiveness. ive been trying for a year 1/2 and feels like forever, and i have a child i can't imagine 4 yrs. im so sorry.... i wish and will pray for you guys. im glad that i can hear your strengths and hear how youve grown from it. it sure has made me see things on a different note. hope you dont mind me posting....
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